With all the news lately about violent attacks, including Ann Pressly, the news anchor from Little Rock, Arkansas who was beaten to death and the members of Jennifer Hudson’s family who was killed, people are naturally wondering what happens to a loved one when they die a violent death.

I’ve met several ghosts who died from violent attacks. One of the most memorable people I met was Tim McClean, the man who was beheaded on a Greyhound bus in Canada.

I don’t normally read graphic news pieces, but his story popped up on an internet page I was visiting and I ended up reading a couple of paragraphs of it. If you’re familiar with this story you know why I stopped reading it after only a couple of paragraphs.

The remarkable thing was that I was in my basement office when I read the story. I shut down my computer, turned out the lights and began to climb the stairs. By the time I reached the top of the second flight, there was Tim, with his iPod earphones still in his ears, standing outside my bedroom doorway. I hadn’t yet seen a photo of him, but I knew it was him since I had already connected with his energy from reading the story.

He was still stunned from all the events of his bodily death and seemed genuinely shy. He stood leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. Although he wasn’t in any pain, he did seem overwhelmed and ready to go home. I couldn’t blame him.

He hadn’t gone home earlier out of shock and disbelief of how his body had died. I think for a while, he didn’t quite realize he was dead.

But now he did and he wanted to go home.

I gladly helped him on his way and he went home easily to the Other Side.

The important thing to remember when a loved one dies from a violent attack, is that once they leave their body, they’re no longer in any pain.

Too often as the ones who stay behind, we stay stuck in the moment of their death or the time they suffered just before their death. They, however, move beyond this moment very quickly.

I met a gentleman several months ago who had committed suicide by shooting himself.

He was the brother of a friend and she was distraught over what he had done. Within minutes of my learning about what had happened, he quickly came to me. His funeral had not yet happened and he was asking me to send him home – which I refused to do.

He was not in any physical pain, but he knew the moment he killed himself that he had done the wrong thing. He was scared and ravaged with guilt and he was afraid of the anger and the judgment of those he had left behind.

He wanted to go home early to escape facing what he thought would be an angry mob. But he couldn’t have been more wrong.

He stood in the corner almost shaking, he was so overwhelmed with fear.

“You have to go be with your family right now….I’m not going to help you until after your funeral. You need to go be with your family and do what you can to comfort them, let them know you’re sorry, that you’re still alive. You need to take responsibility for the pain you’ve caused them,” I told him.

“They’re mad at me,” he said, “they’re furious with me. I don’t want to be around them. I’m just a disappointment to them.”

“Well, you’ve done the worst you could have possibly done. They’re going to be mad at you for a while. You need to go face the music,” I said to him.

“You need to trust me on this, this is the only way you’re going to get through this,” I said unapologetically.

He finally left and timidly went to his family.

I checked in on him now and then over the week and he began to see how he had had other choices in life that he wasn’t aware of at the time. And, just as importantly, he began to feel the love they had for him. They were mad at him, that’s true. But they dearly loved him.

While he lived in his body he regularly felt that he was to blame for so much of others’ suffering, now he could see that really wasn’t the case.

He had begun to learn some very valuable insights even before he crossed over to go Home.

Which, by the way, he did cross over on his own just after his funeral. I don’t think he would have been able to do that if he hadn’t begun to see beyond the blame and the self-judgment.

Those who leave their bodies violently or tragically, move beyond those terrible last moments very quickly, and we need to as well. The suffering for them ended as soon as they left their bodies and their emotional healing began at the same time.

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